July 29th ~ What happens when you lose someone by death? The immediate reaction is a sense of paralysis, and when you come out of that state of shock, there is what we call sorrow. Now, what does that word sorrow mean? The companionship, the happy words, the walks, the many pleasant things you did and hoped to do together–all this is taken away in a second, and you are left empty, naked, lonely. That is what you are objecting to, that is what the mind rebels against: being suddenly left to itself, utterly lonely, empty, without any support. Now, what matters is to live with that emptiness, just to live with it without any reaction, without rationalizing it, without running away from it to mediums, to the theory of reincarnation, and all that stupid nonsense–to live with it with your whole being. And if you go into it step-by-step you will find that there is an ending of sorrow–a real ending, not just a verbal ending, not the superficial ending that comes through escape, through identification with a a concept, or commitment to an idea. Then you will find there is a nothing to protect, because the mind is completely empty and is no longer reacting in the sense of trying to fill that emptiness; and when all sorrow has thus come to an end, you will have started on another journey–a journey that has no ending and no beginning. There is an immensity that is beyond all measure, but you cannot possibly enter into that world without the total ending of sorrow.
December 10th, 2019 ~ This is what exactly I needed to hear. You never know when you will lose a loved one. His description of losing a love one is right on–shock, paralysis. I fear that happening again. It is the known. I fear the known. We think it is unknown but we really do know how it feels. It is hard to just sit with it and not look for anecdotes and remedies like reincarnation and karma. When my brother died suddenly one week after suffering a stroke, I sought help. That has been my modus operandi. I don’t think I can handle the shock. Handling that and dealing with other responsibilities seems overwhelming. I just want to hide and process. It will be interesting to see how my work with this form of processing will change things. I remember reading that when Krishnamurti lost his younger brother to Tuberculosis, he was distraught. He said it took him 10 days to get over it. People around him seemed worried. A concern of mine will be my loved ones will fear for me. I would like to be left alone so I can grieve, deal with it, and move on. I hope I can offer that to other people as well.